If you would have told me five years ago what my life would be like today, I would not have believed you.

Working with children in Peru

Five years ago, I had just returned from a year in rural Peru, where I had been working in social and economic development. During that year, I began studying the Bahá'í Writings. What began as an intellectual query to understand the appeal of the Bahá'í Faith quickly snowballed into an all out investigation into the Bahá'í  teachings and claims. Gradually I found myself identifying with many of its teachings and principles while feeling reluctant to accept the idea of organized religion and the concept of God. 


Formally accepting the Baha'i Faith
December 27, 2008

With time, however, I could not deny the longing in my soul, a longing that had been dismissed and suppressed, time and again, because of the materialistic society in which I had been raised that praised self-serving behavior, extreme individualism, and rigid rejection of religion. My spiritual nature had in part been ignored because I personally couldn't believe in a God that judged, punished and humiliated His subjects or in religion when religious institutions consistently failed to live by the teachings they themselves espoused and where any "educated" or "socially-conscious" person would be socially persecuted for associating with religion and spirituality in any more direct way than claiming that they are "spiritual, but not religious." In an extreme cultural climate such as this, I navigated my life, not able to feel spiritually fulfilled nor was I religiously inclined. In this world, full of extremes on every side, it was impossible to feel like a completely whole human being. 

After traveling and living in many different countries, I began to recognize the obvious truth that humanity is one. We are one, interconnected, interdependent whole body. Hurt to one part of the body affects the whole. Violence and war in one part of the globe impacts lives in another part of the world. We are not immune. The recognition of this truth is key to living a meaningful life—and was a major factor in my own spiritual awakening and transformation.


Over the course of a few years, I read a bit on different religious traditions but it wasn't until I studied the Bahá'í teachings that I felt I found a complete, well-rounded, no nonsense body of spiritual and practical life guidance. Five years ago, when I formally accepted the Bahá'í Faith it was only the tip of the iceberg, the beginning of a spiritually empowering and transforming process that has brought me further in life than I could have ever imagined it would. 

With my husband at the Baha'i World Centre in Haifa, Israel


I would have never imagined that within the last five years, I would have spent half of that time as a volunteer in the Holy Land, serving at the administrative and spiritual center of the Bahá'í Faith. I would have never imagined that I would be married to an incredibly loving man from Catalonia and that we would have a sweet son. I would have never imagined how much capacity I had to transform—how much personal growth I would have accomplished. There is so much beauty, harmony, grace, and love in my life. All of these blessings are from the grace of God.* 

The three of us

What has transpired over these five years continually confirms the decision I made five years ago when I accepted with my whole heart and soul the teachings. The road has not been easy as it is the one less traveled. As the poet Robert Frost once finely wrote:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

*To anyone who doesn't believe in God, I know this could potentially sound "crazy", "irrational", etc. I was just like you most of my life. And your reasoning is most likely incredibly valid, depending on the framework from which you are operating and how you define and understand the word "God." Even if you never end up agreeing or believing, I encourage you to seek to understand why anyone would choose this path, not for yourself so much as it will provide you with a greater worldview and perspective that will come in handy throughout your life.

Finding the Time

Finding the time to sit calmly, reflect and write down my thoughts is not something I have a lot of time for these days - as much as I might benefit from it. Although my baby sleeps a lot, there is never a guarantee for how long he will sleep. Any time between 30 minutes to four hours is normal and this usually depends on his digestion.

Love my baby.

These days, he has found the most peace and tranquility from sleeping on me, usually around my chest where he can stay warm and feel my heartbeat. Since he normally wakes if I try to lay him down on a bed, in his crib, in his stroller, or on any surface that is not his mom, I have my hands full and have a hard time getting anything done whether it be eating, brushing my teeth, reading or writing. I say all this with the sweetness of love and affection, full of the Oxytocin that is being constantly released from my motherly body.

Roc's first bath - look at that happy baby!

Needless to say, we have yet to create a daily schedule. The most consistency we have found are the baths we give him at night, which he absolutely loves. During his bath time, his face is completely contented, his muscles relaxed, his body calm, his eyes alert and at times, playful. He becomes incredibly upset when bath time is over. The poor guy gets himself so worked up that it takes another hour just to calm him down. We haven't yet figured out how to overcome this part.

The lack of consistency was the most difficult in the first weeks when I was more accustomed to my pre-mama lifestyle. Now that I have been in baby world for 6+ weeks, I am becoming more and more comfortable with the unpredictability of it all which is making it actually easier for me to predict how things will go and therefore have more realistic expectations for myself and for life, making the journey a lot more fun.

It's true a baby will change your perspective on just about everything. There will be less time for you and more opportunity for things to go not-as-planned. What makes it so beautiful is what can be learned, gained and developed, such as compassion towards oneself and others, detachment from more material attainments as well as its ability to open the eyes to the reality and power of parenthood, outside from which cannot be even partially grasped or understood. In some ways, I feel much less pressure on myself than I did before and this creates a sense of contentment, joy and bliss while at the same time I'm feeling the anxiety of being in a state of the unlearned, inexperienced which only time, practice and patience can overcome.

This kind of attitude is only possible by being open to it. We have the choice - we can resist the inconsistency, fighting for routine, time for oneself, for keeping the clothes clean, dry and spit-up free, or embracing wholeheartedly, the package that is parenthood. And this choice will impact the well-being of the whole family, for better or worse. It's not just about the work/life balance but also about the baby/mama/papa care balance that's important. Everyone's needs have to be met; the only ones who have the power to change what they consider needs are the parents. With our ability to be flexible, we are able to be available for our babies and to give so much more. Thank God for that!

I'd love to write more but the baby calls. Until next time...

He loves sleeping on mommy.

Mistaken Beliefs and Taking Responsibility

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about the concept of taking responsibility for one's life and all that it entails. Shoghi Effendi reminds us that:

Each of us is responsible for one life only, and that is our own. Each of us is immeasurably far from being "perfect as our heavenly father is perfect" and the task of perfecting our own life and character is one that requires all our attention, our will-power and energy.

In general, as a concept in society, it seems that people don't realize their own potential or their own power over who they are. It is as if they are just subject to the various forces around them. For example, if someone is mean to them, the assumed appropriate response is to be mean back. This assumption or belief in "an eye for an eye" does at least two things: 1, is that it makes the individual's behavior dependent on the actions of others, rendering them weak and powerless to external forces beyond their control (e.g. someone else's behavior) and 2, it nurtures a sense of entitlement and justification for retaliating.  The person perpetrating the wrong-doing is the one wronged, not the person who receives the bad action and it baffles me that often we see the wronged one commit another wrong in return, the victim of both an external force and the hurt ego.

Another example we often see is within the young people around us who behave in ways that are aligned with what their family, friends, community, teachers say to them or believe about them. Often times, the adults in their life have very low and negative standards for these young people, expecting the worst from them. We then see the youth act out in negative ways which goes on to perpetuate the negative beliefs around them. There seems to be little hope for escaping the cycle and ever more frequently, there are articles about this problematic age group in the media as well as stories of ever more appalling behavior from them.

Both of these examples just scratch the surface on this issue which is based on one or more mistaken beliefs that create negative results in the lives of those who believe in them. In both examples, these beliefs seem to be the result of poor education - people just don't know better and most likely, their parents taught it to them because most likely, they didn't know any better either.

Living life in this way is not living an authentic life and it is not taking responsibility for who you are and who you want to be. The Bahá’í Writings explain:

We must not be content with simply following a certain course because we find our fathers pursued that course. It is the duty of everyone to investigate reality, and investigation of reality by another will not do for us... Ideas and beliefs left by his fathers and ancestors as a heritage will not suffice, for adherence to these are but imitations and imitations have ever been a cause of disappointment and misguidance. Be investigators of reality, that you may attain the verity of truth and life. - 'Abdu'l-Bahá

The beliefs of our forefathers or of those around us do not necessarily reflect the truth about reality or the nature of life. When we continue down a path of believing in ideas such as "an eye for an eye" or "teenagers are rebellious and unruly" we are propagating negative beliefs in our society and culture that are based on fiction. We are doing ourselves, our peers and our children a disservice. To me, this is one manifestation of not taking responsibility.  We can look at some other writings from the Bahá’í Faith to gain insights into what it then means to take responsibility for oneself:

Each human creature has individual endowment, power and responsibility in the creative plan of God. - 'Abdu'l-Bahá

Unto each one hath been prescribed a pre-ordained measure...All that which ye potentially possess can, however, be manifested only as a result of your own volition. Your own acts testify to this truth. - Bahá'u'lláh

Man is the supreme Talisman. Lack of a proper education hath, however, deprived him of that which he doth inherently possess... Regard man as a mine rich in gems of inestimable value. Education can, alone, cause it to reveal its treasures, and enable mankind to benefit therefrom.  - Bahá'u'lláh

The reality of man is his thought, not his material body... the power of thought is dependent on its manifestation in deeds. - 'Abdu'l-Bahá

I charge you all that each one of you concentrate all the thoughts of your heart on love and unity. When a thought of war comes, oppose it by a stronger thought of peace. A thought of hatred must be destroyed by a more powerful thought of love. Thoughts of war bring destruction to all harmony, well-being, restfulness and content. - 'Abdu'l-Bahá

This last writing is of particular importance to this discussion. 'Abdu'l-Bahá says, "Thoughts of war bring destruction to all harmony, well-being, restfulness and content." This concept is not limited to the literal concept of war, but rather any negative thought one might have. Since we know that we can control and change our thoughts and beliefs, we can see an enormous power that rests within each one of us. I may not have the power to change someone else's beliefs, but by changing my own, I can make an impact on the world. And if I change my thoughts, even better since often our thoughts are informed by our beliefs. And if I change both my beliefs and thoughts, which then inform my actions, I'm not only improving my own life, but I am creating positive change all around - in my family, friendships, community, work and society. It's the responsibility of each and everyone of us to take charge of our destinies, of who we are and who we want to be. Rumi says:

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.