Lemons and Life: Homebirth: A Father's Experience

In follow up to my post on our homebirth, my husband wrote down his views:

Even though hospitals often treat birth as if it were an illness, Catalans see hospital birth as the only option for childbirth. This is in part due to the fact that it’s covered by the social security and the lack of education on other options. There are a small number of women working towards increasing awareness around the benefits of natural birth and home birth, but these options have not yet entered into the general consciousness of the population. Even if a woman learns about these other options, there is still a culture of fear around them, which greatly impacts the level of support and encouragement she receives from her husband, family and friends.

A lot has been written about this and I hope that the conversation grows in my country as well. What I want to share today, however, is how much of a difference the birth experience can make for the father. I am now able to say that the birth of our son—the whole process—is the single best experience of my life.

The truth is that when my wife first mentioned the idea of home birth I was open to learning about it, but I was concerned about the associated risks and costs. We purchased the book Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and I can't recommend it enough. Reading it with my wife during the pregnancy, I understood that the hospital was a risk and even a threat for the well-being and happiness of my family, and gradually assumed that paying for a home birth would be necessary for a safe, respectful and joyful birth experience. This book helped us prepare emotionally, which I think was fundamental in creating such a positively impactful birth experience that we thankfully had.

My wife and I were eagerly awaiting that event, preparing not only emotionally but also spiritually and materially—purchasing the stroller and so many tiny clothes really made it feel real. The day before the due date, she woke me up in a very nice way and asked, in a sweet voice, if I had slept well, and casually mentioned that she had been having what seemed to be contractions for a while. We decided to wait a little bit before calling the midwife. I figured I should use the little time before she arrived and before the contractions became stronger to have breakfast; I would certainly need to be well fed if I wanted to be of any help during labor.

I accompanied my wife during the entire labor. This included massaging and applying pressure on her lower back, encouraging her and just being with her and being available for her in whatever way necessary. She was strong and calm, so it was not hard to be calm as well. I already knew that, whatever happened, one of my main roles was to remain tranquil.

Massaging her was hard work—you have to be ready to adopt extreme postures—, but I felt the effort I was making was nothing compared to hers, and I was so happy to be able to provide some help or comfort for her and our baby. I felt that the three of us—my wife, our baby and I—were working together, with very different roles, for a supreme goal. It was such a spiritual experience that the hours just passed, one after the other, with the consciousness that every minute and every effort was leading us to holding a baby that would change our lives in every way and bring incalculable amounts of happiness.

The birth advanced gradually and the awaited moment eventually arrived. I was able to see my son's very dark hair, then his head, and then my wife held him, grabbing him herself as he came out. It was certainly a moment dominated by strong emotions. There he was, with us, communicating by crying, elevating our nine months relationship to a whole new level. When we had a moment alone I whispered the following verse three times into each ear (one ear in English and the other in Catalan):

“Verily thou hast come by the command of God! Thou hast appeared to speak of Him, and thou hast been created to serve Him, who is the Dear, the Beloved!”

Another element that contributed to the successful birth experience was our family. They had been helping all day by providing food, filling the birthing pool, praying, and showing a great deal of patience by sacrificing the whole top floor of the house, where the labor took place, and much more. My wife’s mom was flying from the US when she went into labor and arrived to our place about an hour after the birth. Once we were all cleaned up and the midwife had left, we called them all into the room and we all sang a few beautiful and spiritual songs that our son seemed to love. It really was a loving and happy atmosphere. The perfect start.

Welcome to the world, Wendell Roc!