Auden's Birth Story

Alright, so I'm finally getting around to this post...a month later. Time is racing by and I just want it to stop so we (Kilian, Roc and I) can enjoy Auden while he is still a little baby. *Sigh* But alas, time will not slow for us so we are soaking it up as much as possible, which is part of the reason it has taken me longer than I expected to get to writing Auden's birth story.

While both Roc and Auden were born at home, the birth experiences were quite different. Roc's birth lasted around 8.5 hours and Auden's was much shorter, 4.5 hours. With Roc, I woke up with contractions at 7 a.m. after a full night's rest and with Auden, I woke up at 3 a.m. after two hours of interrupted (think toddler screaming at the top of his lungs) sleep. With Roc, I pushed for about 30 minutes and with Auden, it took an hour and a half. Roc's birth was much more mental for me whereas Auden's was much more physical. The comparisons could go on and on...
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There were some hints that I might go in to labor the day before Auden's birth so we prepared by notifying our midwife and my in-laws. My mother-in-law came to spend the night with us, just in case, and my midwife and I were in contact until around midnight. She was on call for another birth and we were hoping Auden would wait until the morning so that she could be with us (rather than sending another midwife in her place).

When I woke up just before 3 a.m. to use the bathroom, I noticed a strong contraction but since I was still half-asleep, I didn't know if it was a Braxton-Hicks or a real contraction. I just ignored it and laid down to go back to sleep. While I was in the process of falling asleep, I had another contraction and decided it was worth waiting up to see if anything was happening.

At first the contractions were 10+ minutes apart and lasting around 90 seconds. It was clear that this was the beginning but it was not clear how long it would take for them to become regular and three to four minutes apart. Around 3:30 a.m., after about three contractions, I decided that Kilian should wake up and just before 4 a.m., the contractions were coming regularly every five minutes and lasting two to three minutes, with some eventually getting close to four minutes long - basically double contractions.

We called the midwife and woke up Kilian's mom. My midwife was unfortunately at another home and had to send someone else. This someone arrived about an hour later, just before 5 a.m. During this time, phone calls were made and members of the family were notified. I lost some fluids and thought it was my water breaking; I found out later that it was not. I was walking around and focusing on breathing through these intense contractions. It felt more difficult than it did with Roc. I think this is because I was still congested from a cold I had had the week before so there was lots of mucus that made deep, slow breathing hard and also because I was out of practice. I hadn't been doing yoga or meditation or any birth prep in the weeks leading up to the birth and I think my body was out of practice.

When this lady, the other midwife, arrived around 5 a.m. she found me to be exceedingly and unexpectedly calm, still completely clothed, sitting upright and laboring on the edge of the bed. I was just waiting it out. Since it took around eight hours to get to the pushing stage with Roc's birth, I figured it would be a while with Auden too. I wasn't in a hurry and couldn't gauge how long it would be with Auden. It still felt like the labor had just begun so of course I was chilled out.

But after she arrived, I noticed a change in the labor. It got more mental and physical. With Roc's birth, I was pretty much in my head the whole time - focusing on positive thoughts, trying to trust my self, my body and the whole process, trying to mitigate any fears I might have had, etc. With Auden's labor, I didn't have any apprehensions going in and I was so looking forward to going through the natural birth experience again and meeting him at the end that I was too excited to even harbor any negative thoughts or fears. However, when I started reaching transition - that critical point between the first and second stages of labor - I really noticed the mental challenges it creates. I used the full length bedroom mirror to look myself in the eyes, to reconnect to what I was doing and to smile. It felt so powerful, beautiful and exhilarating. That part was truly awesome.

About an hour after her arrival, around 6 a.m., I felt intense urges to push while at the same time feeling like I wasn't quite there yet (in terms of dilation). Thankfully at that moment, my midwife arrived and was able to coach and guide me through the next part. (Her other birth was advancing at a much slower pace than mine so she was able to make it for the most important part of mine.)

It was not obvious at first, but Auden's head was slightly tilted in such a way that he was stuck behind the pelvic bone and regardless of how much I pushed, he wouldn't move until he got around the bone. My midwife guided through me countless positions until we finally found one that worked. It took over an hour and I became very tired - some of the positions required much more force than just pushing. Some of these positions required a lot of physical effort from Kilian and his muscles were sore the following days. During this stage, it was amazing how lucid I was. There were moments in between contractions that I didn't feel like I was in labor. I would be standing upright, completely relaxed and not feeling any discomfort, even ready to talk and joke around.

After the sun rose, I finally felt Auden move into the birth canal. It was such a relief and I was so full of joy and renewed with energy. I wanted to push him all the way out at that moment but we waited. I got into a comfortable position on the bed and we allowed him to descend slowly. After a few minutes, my midwife gave me the go ahead and with a deep breath, I pushed him out in to my hands. It was 7:29 a.m.
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A few hours old

A few hours old

Homebirth: A Father's Experience - Guest Post by Kilian

In follow up to my post on our homebirth, my husband wrote down his views:

Even though hospitals often treat birth as if it were an illness, Catalans see hospital birth as the only option for childbirth. This is in part due to the fact that it’s covered by the social security and the lack of education on other options. There are a small number of women working towards increasing awareness around the benefits of natural birth and home birth, but these options have not yet entered into the general consciousness of the population. Even if a woman learns about these other options, there is still a culture of fear around them, which greatly impacts the level of support and encouragement she receives from her husband, family and friends.

A lot has been written about this and I hope that the conversation grows in my country as well. What I want to share today, however, is how much of a difference the birth experience can make for the father. I am now able to say that the birth of our son—the whole process—is the single best experience of my life.

The truth is that when my wife first mentioned the idea of home birth I was open to learning about it, but I was concerned about the associated risks and costs. We purchased the book Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and I can't recommend it enough. Reading it with my wife during the pregnancy, I understood that the hospital was a risk and even a threat for the well-being and happiness of my family, and gradually assumed that paying for a home birth would be necessary for a safe, respectful and joyful birth experience. This book helped us prepare emotionally, which I think was fundamental in creating such a positively impactful birth experience that we thankfully had.

My wife and I were eagerly awaiting that event, preparing not only emotionally but also spiritually and materially—purchasing the stroller and so many tiny clothes really made it feel real. The day before the due date, she woke me up in a very nice way and asked, in a sweet voice, if I had slept well, and casually mentioned that she had been having what seemed to be contractions for a while. We decided to wait a little bit before calling the midwife. I figured I should use the little time before she arrived and before the contractions became stronger to have breakfast; I would certainly need to be well fed if I wanted to be of any help during labor.

I accompanied my wife during the entire labor. This included massaging and applying pressure on her lower back, encouraging her and just being with her and being available for her in whatever way necessary. She was strong and calm, so it was not hard to be calm as well. I already knew that, whatever happened, one of my main roles was to remain tranquil.

Massaging her was hard work—you have to be ready to adopt extreme postures—, but I felt the effort I was making was nothing compared to hers, and I was so happy to be able to provide some help or comfort for her and our baby. I felt that the three of us—my wife, our baby and I—were working together, with very different roles, for a supreme goal. It was such a spiritual experience that the hours just passed, one after the other, with the consciousness that every minute and every effort was leading us to holding a baby that would change our lives in every way and bring incalculable amounts of happiness.

The birth advanced gradually and the awaited moment eventually arrived. I was able to see my son's very dark hair, then his head, and then my wife held him, grabbing him herself as he came out. It was certainly a moment dominated by strong emotions. There he was, with us, communicating by crying, elevating our nine months relationship to a whole new level. When we had a moment alone I whispered the following verse three times into each ear (one ear in English and the other in Catalan):

“Verily thou hast come by the command of God! Thou hast appeared to speak of Him, and thou hast been created to serve Him, who is the Dear, the Beloved!”

Another element that contributed to the successful birth experience was our family. They had been helping all day by providing food, filling the birthing pool, praying, and showing a great deal of patience by sacrificing the whole top floor of the house, where the labor took place, and much more. My wife’s mom was flying from the US when she went into labor and arrived to our place about an hour after the birth. Once we were all cleaned up and the midwife had left, we called them all into the room and we all sang a few beautiful and spiritual songs that our son seemed to love. It really was a loving and happy atmosphere. The perfect start.

Welcome to the world, Wendell Roc!

Musical devotions with our family

Enjoying our first hours together

Welcoming Wendell Roc: Our Homebirth Experience

After having incredible hunger most of the night, I finally got up around 7:15 a.m. to eat a small breakfast. We were planning to go out to breakfast with family at 9 a.m. so I didn't want to ruin my appetite and figured something small could hold me over until then.

While I was preparing breakfast and eating, I noticed that I was having frequent contractions and they felt a little bit different than the typical Braxton-Hicks I was accustomed to experiencing. Typically, I would only experience Braxton-Hicks when awaking from sleep - so at odd hours of the night or first thing in the morning and they would be done once I had gotten up. These contractions were different since I could also feel them in my lower back and continued after I started moving.

I didn't want to jump to conclusions or get too excited (it could have been pre-labor) so I decided to just monitor the situation over breakfast. At one moment, I tried eating during a contraction and it only made me feel nauseous (recommendation: eat between contractions, not during). This bodily response to the food indicated that these were not normal Braxton-Hicks and hence, this might be the real deal. Conclusion: go wake up your husband.

So I made my way upstairs and calmly woke my husband. I waited for him to wake a little before I told him that I had experienced regular contractions for the last 30 minutes that were about 5 minutes apart. He was ready to call the midwife but since it hadn't been at least an hour, we decided to wait. At around 8:30 a.m., we called both our midwife and doula to let them know that regular contractions had started. Our family breakfast plans were effectively cancelled.

The contractions were very manageable and I felt very calm and relaxed. I wasn't sure I was really in labor. It was all so tranquil at home. The contractions were coming every 3-4 minutes and lasting between 45 seconds to 1.5 minutes. I simply breathed through them and focused on relaxing my body and enjoying the process.

The midwife and doula arrived about 15 minutes apart from each other around 10 a.m. Immediately the midwife took my heart rate and blood pressure and monitored the heartbeat of the baby. Everything was going well. At that point, I was still able to carry on a conversation in between the contractions and I was very calm, even too relaxed; the midwife told my mother-in-law that she didn't think I was in labor (she didn't tell me that, ha!) because I was too relaxed and calm and she hadn't seen that before.

My labor continued to progress and I struggled to find a comfortable position. I started on all-fours on the bed and this was good but then the doula brought in the exercise ball for me to lean on with my arms. This relieved a great pressure that was there between my upper stomach and lungs and gave me more space to breathe which was extremely helpful. I tried standing, leaning on the ball while standing and while on the floor and laying on my side but none of these positions worked for me. I could only be on my knees leaning on the ball.

One very helpful thing that the midwife, doula and my husband did was apply pressure to my lower back/hip area with the palm of their hand. The warmth plus the pressure helped relieve a lot of pressure I was feeling from the baby.

The midwife made an infusion with cinnamon, lemon and honey for me to drink during the process but every time I drank anything I would feel nauseous which was followed by burps so I didn't want to take anything in because I thought I would vomit. As a result, I hardly drank anything during the entire labor. Only towards the end, I was able to drink this sports drink (kind of like Gatorade) and it felt really good since it had been many hours without eating or drinking.

Late in the morning, I stopped being able to have a conversation with anyone during the labor. It was time to focus. At that point, I had asked for the birthing pool to be set up. Little did we know that the hot water heater for the house wasn't prepared in time so it ended up taking about 2 hours to set up the pool with the help of the doula, my in-laws including my brother-in-law and his wife. Sometime during this waiting period, my mucous plug had come out.

It must have been around 2 p.m. that I went into the water. By that time, my labor had become increasingly intense and I was ready for a nap. Getting into the water was a huge relief for my muscles and body - everything felt lighter. In the pool, however, I could not get comfortable for the life of me. It didn't feel well to be seated or to float on my stomach or to float on my side or back. And I was very tired and I couldn't fall asleep because I had to keep my head above the water.

My time in the pool was the roughest. I had heard so many great things about birthing pools and what-have-you so I wanted to try it but I am pretty sure I went through transition in the pool. Transition was challenging because that was when I really felt moments where my emotions started getting the best of me.

Until the pool, I had been very focused on positive thinking, breathing and logic. Every moment I felt where I wanted to cry, I had told myself to face it calmly and without excitement, nerves or tension. I was constantly reminding myself that any trace of anxiety, nervousness, fear or resistance would slow down my labor and make it harder on the baby, my body and myself. I was also reminding myself of how capable my body was of doing this work and that I was healthy and strong so there was no need for doubts or worries. Repeating "Alláh-u-Abhá" was also of enormous value. Every time I would focus on the positive, I would feel the Oxytocin release and would feel happier and better in the process. 

During my time in the pool (and most probably transition), this constant stream of constructive reasoning was no longer sufficient. My emotions were stronger and I felt what I assume most women feel during this time: feeling like you can't do it and that you want to give up. I was a bit surprised when I started having these negative thoughts and I had to try even harder to counter them with positive thoughts...And then I remembered this quote from ‘Abdu’l-Bahá:

“The woman is indeed of the greater importance to the race. She has the greater burden and the greater work. Look at the vegetable and the animal worlds. The palm which carries the fruit is the tree most prized by the date grower. The Arab knows that for a long journey the mare has the longest wind. For her greater strength and fierceness, the lioness is more feared by the hunter than the lion.

"The mere size of the brain has been proved to be no measure of superiority. The woman has greater moral courage than the man; she has also special gifts which enable her to govern in moments of danger and crisis. If necessary she can become a warrior.”

After about an hour of not being comfortable in the pool, it was time to get things moving again so I got out. I think I had one, if not two, contractions outside of the pool before returning to my bedroom. Walking from the room the pool was in to my bedroom (about 20 feet max.) was incredibly difficult. I barely made it to the bed before something was falling out of me! It was my water bag. What a strange feeling! It started coming out whole then broke during the process. It was then that I began to realize that maybe I was really in labor.

The midwife began to prepare for the birth. She set up the birthing stool and got Kilian and I into position. It was her indications that led me to believe I was close to the end. Wow! What a concept when you are in the middle of labor! She had me sit down on this hard birthing stool and had Kilian support me. She asked me if I wanted to feel my baby and told me to put my finger in to feel him. He was just in past the point of my index finger, maybe 3 inches. She told me I could start pushing.

I pushed a few times on that hard stool and that really hurt. She had me pause to make sure I was dilated enough only to find that the baby had dropped almost two inches - yup, I was fully dilated. I moved to the bed since the stool was painful and used the doula for support while pushing. The midwife placed warm towels on my womanly parts and told me to press down towards them. This really helped me direct my pushing in the right direction. Then she told me to push in such a way that the baby stays down. I did that and the baby stayed down. Kilian and her could see his long hair coming out. Then she told me not to push and to wait. I could feel the baby's head opening the vaginal area and coming out on its own. This felt very, very strange and I kind of jerked my leg and stressfully asked "What is happening down there?!"(It's too bad I moved because it caused a tear). After that, the midwife had me move in to position to catch my baby. With one more long push, he was out. It was 3:47 p.m. (Obviously, there is the post-baby labor stuff but I am not going to go through that here).

I was so thankful that Kilian was there the whole time supporting me in every way possible. We also had great support from the midwife and doula as well as the family who were able to help making sure we had everything we needed during the process. While we were in labor, they were very quiet, preparing food and saying prayers.

When everything finally calmed down that evening, we had a small musical devotional in our bedroom for Wendell Roc with all of the immediate family. It was a beautiful way to welcome him into the world.

**UPDATE: My husband's perspective on our homebirth experience can be found here.

Within hours of his birth.

The official birth announcement

Wendell Roc

Life is really busy...but now we have a midwife!

I have been trying to write a few times per week and this has not happened the last two weeks!

We have been so busy and I am hoping that this week I can catch up properly with pictures and posts. I was even sick for the past week because we were so busy before that - just overdoing it!

The most important accomplishment in the past two weeks was finalizing the birth location. We started looking into midwives who offer home birth much too late in this pregnancy and so I spent a lot of time going to/from Tarragona and Barcelona interviewing midwives. In the end we found one (yay!) and we also hired a Baha'i doula. Needless to say, I feel very relieved, excited and ready!

The hospital option made me incredibly apprehensive, despite the fact that the hospital near us is "pro-natural" birth, they still operate with lots of unnecessary protocols that made me feel nervous and unsafe. I see birth as a holistic experience that is all parts emotional, spiritual, physical, mental, and physiological - not only physical or physiological, which is what most medical models of birth follow so it felt necessary for me to give birth around people who also see birth in this way and respect its natural process.

The baby is due in three weeks time (although I am now considered full-term) and my mom will be here the day before his due date. It would be nice if he waited for her to arrive but now that we have everything prepared: newborn prayer, midwife, his bed & supplies, etc., he might be more eager to make his appearance.

I am trying my best to slow down in preparation for his arrival but it has not yet been possible - between meeting frequently with the midwife & doula, finishing up "maternal education" classes, animating two junior youth groups, weekly Ruhi, last minute baby shopping and seeing family, there just has not been a moment to rest. Maybe this is for the better...

The sunset one night.