Baby's Second Month

Our darling baby boy has completed his second month of life!

I'm two months old!

Here's a little bit of how he has grown this past month:

• He has become a more efficient eater, with almost all feedings taking less than 15 minutes.
• He has gained quite a bit of weight (just over 1 kg or 2.4 lbs) and is now almost entirely in 3-6 month clothes. 
• He discovered his hand and how good it tastes. He hasn't quite figured out how to hold it to his mouth or how to get it there every time, but he is on his way to becoming a thumb-sucker!
  
• With his hand, he now grabs on to things – long hair, clothing, jewelry, etc. – and therefore we have to be careful with what is available for him to hold grab.
• He can hold his head up for periods of time and turn it. He has a preferred side though, looking to his left, and we have a hard time getting him to look to the right.
• We started putting him in a bouncy chair which he really loves and will often complain when we take him out. 
  
• He learned how to cry/scream. We bought him his first pacifier (so sad I know!) which help calms him and we have found he likes it a little too much.
• In the last two weeks, he became much more alert, started smiling and making the googly-gaga sounds that babies make. He often does this in response to us, but mostly for his Grandma Gloria. It is not a given  – it is still touch-n-go – and of course, he won't let us capture it on camera!
  
• His eyelashes went from blond and short to brown and long!
• Unless he is very tired, holding him close to the body is a no-no. He wants to be free!
• He's not quite sleeping through the night as he's still eating every three hours. With shorter feedings though, it is not that bad. 
• I posted this before and it continues to be true: he LOVES bath time.

Finding the Time

Finding the time to sit calmly, reflect and write down my thoughts is not something I have a lot of time for these days - as much as I might benefit from it. Although my baby sleeps a lot, there is never a guarantee for how long he will sleep. Any time between 30 minutes to four hours is normal and this usually depends on his digestion.

Love my baby.

These days, he has found the most peace and tranquility from sleeping on me, usually around my chest where he can stay warm and feel my heartbeat. Since he normally wakes if I try to lay him down on a bed, in his crib, in his stroller, or on any surface that is not his mom, I have my hands full and have a hard time getting anything done whether it be eating, brushing my teeth, reading or writing. I say all this with the sweetness of love and affection, full of the Oxytocin that is being constantly released from my motherly body.

Roc's first bath - look at that happy baby!

Needless to say, we have yet to create a daily schedule. The most consistency we have found are the baths we give him at night, which he absolutely loves. During his bath time, his face is completely contented, his muscles relaxed, his body calm, his eyes alert and at times, playful. He becomes incredibly upset when bath time is over. The poor guy gets himself so worked up that it takes another hour just to calm him down. We haven't yet figured out how to overcome this part.

The lack of consistency was the most difficult in the first weeks when I was more accustomed to my pre-mama lifestyle. Now that I have been in baby world for 6+ weeks, I am becoming more and more comfortable with the unpredictability of it all which is making it actually easier for me to predict how things will go and therefore have more realistic expectations for myself and for life, making the journey a lot more fun.

It's true a baby will change your perspective on just about everything. There will be less time for you and more opportunity for things to go not-as-planned. What makes it so beautiful is what can be learned, gained and developed, such as compassion towards oneself and others, detachment from more material attainments as well as its ability to open the eyes to the reality and power of parenthood, outside from which cannot be even partially grasped or understood. In some ways, I feel much less pressure on myself than I did before and this creates a sense of contentment, joy and bliss while at the same time I'm feeling the anxiety of being in a state of the unlearned, inexperienced which only time, practice and patience can overcome.

This kind of attitude is only possible by being open to it. We have the choice - we can resist the inconsistency, fighting for routine, time for oneself, for keeping the clothes clean, dry and spit-up free, or embracing wholeheartedly, the package that is parenthood. And this choice will impact the well-being of the whole family, for better or worse. It's not just about the work/life balance but also about the baby/mama/papa care balance that's important. Everyone's needs have to be met; the only ones who have the power to change what they consider needs are the parents. With our ability to be flexible, we are able to be available for our babies and to give so much more. Thank God for that!

I'd love to write more but the baby calls. Until next time...

He loves sleeping on mommy.

Roc's First Month

Our baby is one month old today and what a month it has been! Our little guy is growing so fast (I know, not a surprise) and we are struggling to slow down the time so we can make the most of every minute.

At birth and at one month

Roc's first two weeks of life were surrounded by immediate and extended family. My mom was here from the US and different members of Kilian's family were visiting us almost daily. I was in a hormone-induced and sleep-deprived daze for most of it. My body was physically recovering from nine months of pregnancy and the requirements of giving birth while a heavy dosage of postpartum hormones were creating a state of pure ecstasy for me emotionally. It was a strange combination that made me feel capable of doing more than I should have been doing, i.e. socializing with family, going out, walking, not taking enough naps, etc. during that first week or two. Looking back, I realize I should have asked less from myself than I did at that time.

After the excitement of the first weeks died down and I started to feel more myself again, both physically and emotionally, I have been trying to understand my baby better and establish some sort of routine, which hasn't really been possible. Roc doesn't have a pattern yet; he's changing very rapidly. The first weeks, he slept all the time with long feedings every 3-4-5 hours. Now he spends his mornings awake, with short feedings every 30-60 minutes, meaning that I am occupied with him from 7 or 8 until 1 or 2 in the afternoon. It is very hard work! He then falls asleep in the afternoon and usually sleeps continuously with short breaks for feeding until the next day, unless his stomach is bothering him - then he doesn't sleep at all.

"Hey! I'm one month old!"

He is not a crier; he is a grunter. He is pretty mellow, calm, patient and content. He doesn't get upset or fussy from being with a large number of people or around loud noises. For example, the night he was born, we had some 7 or 8 people in the room playing guitar and singing to him. He may or may not have even noticed. The next day, there were probably double that number of people in the house, wanting to hold him and just a great deal of commotion. No problem for Roc. There have been a number of situations where either he completely sleeps through various loud noises or is completely unfazed by lots of people. In general, he does not complain much and he loves when people sing to him.

My husband and I are completely exhausted while also full of joy and love, which helps us through the days and nights. The nights are not as bad as I thought they would be but successive days (and weeks) of inadequate sleep starts to affect you, whether you like or not. We typically will get a total of 5-6 hours of sleep per night, but it is usually punctuated with a couple of feedings and possibly a diaper change. A few nights ago, we got 6.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep and it was glorious! But that was only once.

Roc's grown so much that he is already out of most of his newborn clothes and starting to fit into three month clothes. I hope they continue to fit through the full three months! He is a really good eater with chunky little thighs. It's crazy to see how much he has grown in a month. He already weighs almost 5kg!

This little soul has brought so much joy and life to our home. We are all too aware of how short-lived these first months are. I try so hard to hold tight on to each moment but it just slips past, beyond grasp. It is so special to just hold him and cuddle him, to study all the details of his face in order to try to record it somewhere in memory, his smell and his gestures and all the related feelings so that in the future, more than a photo remains of these brief times.