4 Months & Finding A Home

We are back in Catalonia after a nice month in the United States. Roc has just turned four months old and we are actively looking for a home for our little family.

Yay! I'm four months.

You wouldn't believe how difficult it is to find a place here. Three of our biggest challenges are that Kilian works full-time, we are an hour car ride from where we want to live and we don't have a car (or driver's license). Translation: we are dependent on someone to drive us outside of Kilian's working hours – not exactly the winning combination if you are seriously intent on finding a place. Kilian took two days off last week and we saw a number of places, but none of them were quite right.

So we are back to the drawing board, searching for other options and contacting more companies. Hopefully we can schedule another round of visits and be in a new place soon.
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My hands are tasty!

Meanwhile, Roc is growing up quickly (no surprise there). His hand-eye coordination is improving daily which means he can really get his hands and toys and my hair to his mouth quite easily. And his mouth is his everything at the moment.

The cloth diapers are so thick that he cries every time he is on his tummy (they must put too much pressure). We used disposable diapers while we traveled and found that because they are much thinner, he didn't mind tummy time. As a result, he is getting very strong, enjoying it and can almost roll over completely.

fascinated with grandpa's guitar playing

Roc has a vibrant personality. He knows what he wants, what he likes and dislikes. He loves music; it is an instant calming silencer when he is nervous, tired or upset. He has even started "playing" the piano. He likes to be held so that his feet touch the ground and he can look around.

In the last month he started losing some of his newborn hair. His new frock is quite humorous. Short on one side, long and curly on the other. He has got a little fistful front and center, and a lot back and bottom. He weighs around 17 lbs (or 7.9 kg) give or take the weight of his clothes & diaper; he has more than doubled his birth weight. We will have the official weight at our check up this week.

ready for the Super Bowl

He is very interactive and is learning how to communicate using sounds so we are having a lot more fun together. He has different sounds for different uses (I'm sure this is true for all babies). He loves interacting with people and smiling. He even laughs sometimes, which, of course, is so cute.

He is able to entertain himself a bit which means I can make food, fold laundry, use the computer while he is in his bouncy chair. This is very helpful for me as soon I will be managing my own household and will have a lot more work to do while educating Roc.

It is really an exciting time for our family and we are enjoying this time with Roc.

Becoming a Mom: Awesomeness & Challenges

Becoming a mom has been awesome to say the least. It has brought a contentment which I have never before known, one that comes from deep within; it's grounding. Despite feelings of uncertainty and inadequacy at times, I feel a sense of confidence in the process - the process of learning how to be a mom to my son, the process of a life of service which requires daily effort, steadfastness, patience and resignation:

"It is not through lip-service only that the elect of God have attained to holiness, but by patient lives of active service they have brought light into the world."

There is no such thing as instant gratification in parenting and I love the implied constancy, both steady and firm, required in this long-term society-building process a.k.a. child-rearing.

Content

This is a time to be cherished and enjoyed, in spite of it being the most challenging task I have ever been called on to do. It has to be cherished now because it is so short-lived and there is no other time in which it can be cherished. Babies grow and change rapidly, at the blink of an eye. If I am not present in this moment, I'll have all these memories of regret for completely missing.the.point. I hope I can embody the following words of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá for my son:

"If I love you, I need not continually speak of my love—you will know without any words. On the other hand if I love you not, that also will you know—and you would not believe me, were I to tell you in a thousand words, that I loved you." 

Peaceful sweetness

As wonderful as this parenthood thing can be, it is not simple or easy. Here are a few reasons becoming a mom is challenging (I think for anyone):

1. No one thinks clearly when they are exhausted - and being exhausted is unavoidable when you become a mom. It not only affects mood and emotions, but it also creates cravings for caffeine and sweets - not a good combo.
2. Hunger leads to low blood sugar, crankiness and increased exhaustion. Thankfully, we have help here but there are mornings where I don't have breakfast until noon and those mornings are rough. Being hungry (and sleep deprived) tests one's capacity to manifest virtues such as patience and kindness which a new mom really needs. A breastfeeding mom needs to be very well-nourished since it takes lots of energy to feed a baby. If we didn't have help, I'm not sure if my husband or I would be fed.
3. Hormones - our bodies are just pumping out high levels of hormones.
4. Learning, in general, is not an easy process and more so when you are exhausted and hungry and your trial and error experiments take place on an innocent, helpless child. Fun combination, or not. Children don't come with an instruction manual and every single one is unique. There is no such thing as copy and paste.
5. It's a major lifestyle change. Overnight you go from taking care of yourself and your needs, living the way you please, putting yourself and maybe your husband first to becoming a 24/7 caregiver. This implies many, many changes on behalf of both parents and requires a great deal of sacrifice. This is no easy feat and not one you can really prepare for but as cliche as it sounds, it really is worth it. 

There are definitely days when the combination of these factors make me incredibly moody and short-tempered. These are the moments of personal growth. When I find myself in those moments, I remind myself of why self-acceptance - love, compassion, detachment - is so fundamental to being a mom. Rather than criticize or judge, I remind myself that I'll become better with time and I ask for help. It is the only way to not feel completely overwhelmed by the learning curve in front of me.

Happy little boy

One final thought:
Something I have found that is unhelpful for me relates to many (not all) mom blogs on major sites that happen to be very opinionated (I guess that is how they sell) and as a result, leave a reader feeling either in camp "I agree" or camp "I disagree" which can leave a woman feeling criticized, judged or alone. The only advice I can give on this: stay away from these types of polarizing attitudes (if you can), be wary of what you read on parenting, motherhood, etc. and stay positive. We are living in a strange world and many folks are looking for direction on just about every possible subject matter from almost anywhere.
*If you happen to know of any uplifting mom blogs, I would love to hear from you. I enjoy hearing about and gaining insights from experiences of other moms. We are all in this together.*

Junior Youth Update

We are still working with two junior youth groups. It's incredible to witness the level of receptivity we encountered with them and their eagerness to participate.

We are finding it very challenging to get them completely started. There are two main reasons for this: one, we are have yet to meet most (all but one) of the parents and get their approval and support of the program and two, we have not found a permanent indoor location to carry out the group.

We meet in a public park where there are lots of people, noises and distractions which results in low concentration, low participation and not much progress from session-to-session, which is reducing the enthusiasm of the junior youth. Although we could easily invite them to our home, we feel that it would be inappropriate without first knowing their parents and having their consent. So although we have been meeting with them for about one month, we have not yet started any of the junior youth books and only having partial sessions related to themes such as service, friendship, unity and excellence.

This week, our main goal is to have the parental authorization forms filled in so that we can have them over and also to put more pressure on them to meet their parents. If we can achieve this, then there will be a much higher likelihood that the groups can and will continue. There are other challenges as well, but I feel that if we can surmount these ones first, the other ones will also be surmountable.

Please keep us in your prayers. We are also open and eager to consult with those who have experience in this field of service.