Our Baby isn't a Baby Anymore

Roc's almost 18 months old and he's so much fun now! It melts my heart. It is hard to believe he really isn't a baby anymore, even though he still nurses twice a day.

Pure joy

He has learned that when we cross our arms, it is time to pray. At night when he is ready for bed, he sits next to us and gestures at us, then crosses his arms. This is his way of saying that it is time for the bedtime routine. Last night he started emptying his laundry hamper to find his pajamas, brought them to us and then started with the arm crossing. "Hey parents, it is bed time. I'm tired. Help me out!" Of course, he does not actually say this but his communication skills are rapidly improving and often very clear.

Last weekend we went to the zoo and brought one of his books with farm animals in it. When we got to the area of the zoo with the farm animals, we got out this book. He quickly started going through his book to find the corresponding animal (horse, cow, pig, chicken, goat, sheep, etc.). Each time we got to a new animal, he would go to the stroller to find the book and start looking for the animal. He makes connections so quickly now and I find it so impressive (I think it is because I really have very little experience with this age group that I have no idea what to expect).

Finding the animal in his book

He makes these type of connections with everything - if there is a picture of the sun, he will go find his pillow with the sun or point out the window (to indicate the location of the sun in the sky) or find another book with the sun in it. If it is a snail, bird, cloud, moon or any other object that he knows, he will do the same.

Riding the snail at the zoo.

Saying "hola" to the monkey.

He understands almost everything we say - both Catalan and English but hasn't begun to speak much yet. There are a few words here and there but consistently we only hear "hola" which can change its definition at any moment to mean whatever he wants it to mean.

Of course now that he is approaching toddlerhood, we are experiencing the less fun parts as well, chiefly, meltdowns and disobedience. Every day he tests the limits and we feel encouraged when he listens and obeys. One of our main challenges with him is food throwing and hitting/scratching us. He mainly throws food when he is tired, bored, full or when he doesn't like what he has been offered to eat. We experiment with different consequences such as taking the plate away from him and ending the meal if the behavior continues. We are trying to help him learn how to communicate these things in constructive ways like handing his spoon, fork or plate to us as an indicator that he is finished. Sometimes he takes off his bib to indicate this, but other times he takes it off because it is bothering him so it is not always clear.

We are not looking forward to the 18 month sleep regression which should soon be upon us. He still doesn't sleep well, usually waking at least once at night and then waking up extremely early (between 6 a.m. -7 a.m.). Until just last week, he was waking multiple times a night with intense hunger. He would eat a whole yogurt, fruit or left overs around 3 a.m. before being able to sleep again. For many days, if not weeks, we tried everything but feeding him only to realize that what was happening was hunger. Thankfully it seems we have passed that stage (fingers crossed).

Playtime with grandma

Becoming a Mom: Awesomeness & Challenges

Becoming a mom has been awesome to say the least. It has brought a contentment which I have never before known, one that comes from deep within; it's grounding. Despite feelings of uncertainty and inadequacy at times, I feel a sense of confidence in the process - the process of learning how to be a mom to my son, the process of a life of service which requires daily effort, steadfastness, patience and resignation:

"It is not through lip-service only that the elect of God have attained to holiness, but by patient lives of active service they have brought light into the world."

There is no such thing as instant gratification in parenting and I love the implied constancy, both steady and firm, required in this long-term society-building process a.k.a. child-rearing.

Content

This is a time to be cherished and enjoyed, in spite of it being the most challenging task I have ever been called on to do. It has to be cherished now because it is so short-lived and there is no other time in which it can be cherished. Babies grow and change rapidly, at the blink of an eye. If I am not present in this moment, I'll have all these memories of regret for completely missing.the.point. I hope I can embody the following words of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá for my son:

"If I love you, I need not continually speak of my love—you will know without any words. On the other hand if I love you not, that also will you know—and you would not believe me, were I to tell you in a thousand words, that I loved you." 

Peaceful sweetness

As wonderful as this parenthood thing can be, it is not simple or easy. Here are a few reasons becoming a mom is challenging (I think for anyone):

1. No one thinks clearly when they are exhausted - and being exhausted is unavoidable when you become a mom. It not only affects mood and emotions, but it also creates cravings for caffeine and sweets - not a good combo.
2. Hunger leads to low blood sugar, crankiness and increased exhaustion. Thankfully, we have help here but there are mornings where I don't have breakfast until noon and those mornings are rough. Being hungry (and sleep deprived) tests one's capacity to manifest virtues such as patience and kindness which a new mom really needs. A breastfeeding mom needs to be very well-nourished since it takes lots of energy to feed a baby. If we didn't have help, I'm not sure if my husband or I would be fed.
3. Hormones - our bodies are just pumping out high levels of hormones.
4. Learning, in general, is not an easy process and more so when you are exhausted and hungry and your trial and error experiments take place on an innocent, helpless child. Fun combination, or not. Children don't come with an instruction manual and every single one is unique. There is no such thing as copy and paste.
5. It's a major lifestyle change. Overnight you go from taking care of yourself and your needs, living the way you please, putting yourself and maybe your husband first to becoming a 24/7 caregiver. This implies many, many changes on behalf of both parents and requires a great deal of sacrifice. This is no easy feat and not one you can really prepare for but as cliche as it sounds, it really is worth it. 

There are definitely days when the combination of these factors make me incredibly moody and short-tempered. These are the moments of personal growth. When I find myself in those moments, I remind myself of why self-acceptance - love, compassion, detachment - is so fundamental to being a mom. Rather than criticize or judge, I remind myself that I'll become better with time and I ask for help. It is the only way to not feel completely overwhelmed by the learning curve in front of me.

Happy little boy

One final thought:
Something I have found that is unhelpful for me relates to many (not all) mom blogs on major sites that happen to be very opinionated (I guess that is how they sell) and as a result, leave a reader feeling either in camp "I agree" or camp "I disagree" which can leave a woman feeling criticized, judged or alone. The only advice I can give on this: stay away from these types of polarizing attitudes (if you can), be wary of what you read on parenting, motherhood, etc. and stay positive. We are living in a strange world and many folks are looking for direction on just about every possible subject matter from almost anywhere.
*If you happen to know of any uplifting mom blogs, I would love to hear from you. I enjoy hearing about and gaining insights from experiences of other moms. We are all in this together.*