Becoming a mom has been awesome to say the least. It has brought a contentment which I have never before known, one that comes from deep within; it's grounding. Despite feelings of uncertainty and inadequacy at times, I feel a sense of confidence in the process - the process of learning how to be a mom to my son, the process of a life of service which requires daily effort, steadfastness, patience and resignation:
"It is not through lip-service only that the elect of God have attained to holiness, but by patient lives of active service they have brought light into the world."
There is no such thing as instant gratification in parenting and I love the implied constancy, both steady and firm, required in this long-term society-building process a.k.a. child-rearing.
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| Content |
This is a time to be cherished and enjoyed, in spite of it being the most challenging task I have ever been called on to do. It has to be cherished now because it is so short-lived and there is no other time in which it can be cherished. Babies grow and change rapidly, at the blink of an eye. If I am not present in this moment, I'll have all these memories of regret for completely
missing.the.point. I hope I can embody the following words of
‘Abdu’l-Bahá for my son:
"If I love you, I need not continually speak of my
love—you will know without any words. On the other
hand if I love you not, that also will you know—and
you would not believe me, were I to tell you in a
thousand words, that I loved you."
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| Peaceful sweetness |
As wonderful as this parenthood thing can be, it is not simple or easy. Here are a few reasons becoming a mom is challenging (I think for anyone):
- No one thinks clearly when they are exhausted - and being exhausted is unavoidable when you become a mom. It not only affects mood and emotions, but it also creates cravings for caffeine and sweets - not a good combo.
- Hunger leads to low blood sugar, crankiness and increased exhaustion. Thankfully, we have help here but there are mornings where I don't have breakfast until noon and those mornings are rough. Being hungry (and sleep deprived) tests one's capacity to manifest virtues such as patience and kindness which a new mom really needs. A breastfeeding mom needs to be very well-nourished since it takes lots of energy to feed a baby. If we didn't have help, I'm not sure if my husband or I would be fed.
- Hormones - our bodies are just pumping out high levels of hormones.
- Learning, in general, is not an easy process and more so when you are exhausted and hungry and your trial
and error experiments take place on an innocent, helpless child. Fun combination, or not.
Children don't come with an instruction manual and every single one is unique. There is no such thing as copy and paste.
- It's a major lifestyle change. Overnight you go from taking care of yourself and your needs, living the way you please, putting yourself and maybe your husband first to becoming a 24/7 caregiver. This implies many, many changes on behalf of both parents and requires a great deal of sacrifice. This is no easy feat and not one you can really prepare for but as cliche as it sounds, it really is worth it.
There are definitely days when the combination of these factors make me incredibly moody and short-tempered. These are the moments of personal growth. When I find myself in those moments, I remind myself of why self-acceptance - love, compassion, detachment - is so fundamental to being a mom. Rather than criticize or judge, I remind myself that I'll become better with time and I ask for help. It is the only way to not feel completely
overwhelmed by the learning curve in front of me.
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| Happy little boy |
One final thought:
Something I have found that is unhelpful for me relates to many (not all) mom blogs on major sites that happen to be
very opinionated (I guess that is how they sell) and as a result, leave a reader feeling either in camp "I agree" or camp "I disagree" which can leave a woman feeling criticized, judged or alone. The only advice I can give on this: stay away from these types of polarizing attitudes (if you can), be wary of what you read on parenting, motherhood, etc. and stay positive. We are living in a strange world and many folks are looking for direction on just about every possible subject matter from almost anywhere.
*If you happen to know of any uplifting mom blogs, I would love to hear from you. I enjoy hearing about and gaining insights from experiences of other moms. We are all in this together.*
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