Finding the Time

Finding the time to sit calmly, reflect and write down my thoughts is not something I have a lot of time for these days - as much as I might benefit from it. Although my baby sleeps a lot, there is never a guarantee for how long he will sleep. Any time between 30 minutes to four hours is normal and this usually depends on his digestion.

Love my baby.

These days, he has found the most peace and tranquility from sleeping on me, usually around my chest where he can stay warm and feel my heartbeat. Since he normally wakes if I try to lay him down on a bed, in his crib, in his stroller, or on any surface that is not his mom, I have my hands full and have a hard time getting anything done whether it be eating, brushing my teeth, reading or writing. I say all this with the sweetness of love and affection, full of the Oxytocin that is being constantly released from my motherly body.

Roc's first bath - look at that happy baby!

Needless to say, we have yet to create a daily schedule. The most consistency we have found are the baths we give him at night, which he absolutely loves. During his bath time, his face is completely contented, his muscles relaxed, his body calm, his eyes alert and at times, playful. He becomes incredibly upset when bath time is over. The poor guy gets himself so worked up that it takes another hour just to calm him down. We haven't yet figured out how to overcome this part.

The lack of consistency was the most difficult in the first weeks when I was more accustomed to my pre-mama lifestyle. Now that I have been in baby world for 6+ weeks, I am becoming more and more comfortable with the unpredictability of it all which is making it actually easier for me to predict how things will go and therefore have more realistic expectations for myself and for life, making the journey a lot more fun.

It's true a baby will change your perspective on just about everything. There will be less time for you and more opportunity for things to go not-as-planned. What makes it so beautiful is what can be learned, gained and developed, such as compassion towards oneself and others, detachment from more material attainments as well as its ability to open the eyes to the reality and power of parenthood, outside from which cannot be even partially grasped or understood. In some ways, I feel much less pressure on myself than I did before and this creates a sense of contentment, joy and bliss while at the same time I'm feeling the anxiety of being in a state of the unlearned, inexperienced which only time, practice and patience can overcome.

This kind of attitude is only possible by being open to it. We have the choice - we can resist the inconsistency, fighting for routine, time for oneself, for keeping the clothes clean, dry and spit-up free, or embracing wholeheartedly, the package that is parenthood. And this choice will impact the well-being of the whole family, for better or worse. It's not just about the work/life balance but also about the baby/mama/papa care balance that's important. Everyone's needs have to be met; the only ones who have the power to change what they consider needs are the parents. With our ability to be flexible, we are able to be available for our babies and to give so much more. Thank God for that!

I'd love to write more but the baby calls. Until next time...

He loves sleeping on mommy.